WVU’s New President: A Mystery Wrapped in Secrecy

Woodburn Hall Wvu Lit Up

Photography Credit: Boyce McCoy of MountainBurst

MORGANTOWN, WV – In a move that can only be described as unconventional, slightly confusing, and possibly an attempt to distract from recent controversies. West Virginia University has announced that its next president has been chosen. However, in an even more unconventional twist, the identity of this individual will remain a mystery until the contract is signed, the planets align, and a flock of gold-and-blue feathered birds deliver the official announcement on parchment paper.

The speculation of staff and student body is they wanted to build some suspense with the presidential choice. After all, who needs a straightforward announcement when you can have a guessing game that captivates the entire state, while everyone quietly forgets about the whole “academic decimation” thing?

Delivering The Good News

The chosen candidate, who remains shrouded in secrecy thicker than the fog rolling off Cheat Lake, is said to be a visionary leader with a unique blend of academic prowess and mountaineer spirit. Sources close to the board have hinted that the individual may or may not be a former astronaut, a Nobel laureate, or someone who can explain how cutting 7% of the faculty doesn’t undermine the mission of a research university serving one of the nation’s poorest states. Because, you know, that’s been a hot topic lately.

The Governors Board seems confident that this person will lead WVU into a new era of excellence or at least, we hope so. We haven’t actually met them yet. They might be a performance artist specializing in budget balancing for all we know.

The announcement has sparked a frenzy of speculation among students, faculty, and alumni, many of whom are still reeling from the recent academic restructuring. Theories range from a surprise return of former president Gordon Gee, who is retiring in June 2025, wordsmith Pat Macafee or a third option a prominent figure from Fairmont. The hopes of many are it’s someone who can restore those 32 majors, foreign language instruction, and 169 faculty positions had to become casualties in the name of fiscal responsibility.

“I’m putting my money on Mothman,” said one student, who wished to remain anonymous. “He’s got the leadership skills, the experience in the wilderness, and he’s already a Mountaineer at heart. Plus, I bet he understands the value of a well-rounded education, unlike some humans.

Mothman Signing Contract

While the wait continues, one thing is certain, WVU’s presidential search has taken an unexpected turn, leaving the university community both intrigued and slightly bewildered and wondering if they should start taking bets on the color of the new president’s wings.

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