MORGANTOWN, WV – Once a symbol of unbridled joy and post-victory pandemonium, the humble couch has fallen on hard times in Morgantown. Local furniture retailers are reporting a dramatic slump in couch sales, a phenomenon many attributes to the WVU Mountaineers’ Football Program’s lackluster performance over the past decade. “Now we’ve resorted to “fire the coach bill boards” all over town. “It’s not like it used to be”. Donny Dickson, local street sweeper for the city droned on.
We stopped in to interview Bob “Big Bob” Johnson, owner of Big Bob’s Furniture Emporium on the Mileground. “The Mountaineers would win a big game, and the next day, every college kid in town would be down here looking for a sacrificial sofa. Now, I’m lucky if I sell one a week.” “It used to be, you couldn’t keep a couch in stock,” he lamented.
The tradition of burning couches after a Mountaineer victory dates back decades, a fiery celebration of gridiron glory that became synonymous with the university’s vibrant football culture. Sadly the team’s fortunes have declined, so too has the demand for burnable furniture.
“It’s simple economics,” explained local West Virgnia A & M, historian, Dr. Emily Carter. “When the Mountaineers were consistently winning, there was a constant need for replacement couches. Now, with the team struggling to even make a bowl game, the celebratory bonfires have dwindled and so has the demand for their combustible centerpiece.”
The decline in couch sales is not just affecting furniture retailers. Local fire departments are also reporting a decrease in calls related to couch fires, a welcome change for overworked firefighters. “We used to dread game days,” said Fire Chief Mike Thompson. “Every big win meant a long night of putting out couch fires. Now, we can actually focus on real emergencies.”
For some, the fading tradition of couch burning is a sign of a deeper problem. “It’s not just about the couches,” said lifelong Mountaineer fan, Earl Vega. “It’s about the spirit of this town. When the team was winning, there was a sense of excitement, a feeling that anything was possible. Now, it’s just…meh. It’s to the point of me rather watching the Golden Bachelor with my wife”.
Smith, who once owned a thriving Futon and Beanbag business catering to the student population, has seen his fortunes decline along with the team’s performance. “I used to have a waiting list for my couches,” he said. “Now, I’m lucky if I can rent out a futon.”
The slump in couch sales is also having a ripple effect on other local businesses. Pizza delivery drivers are reporting fewer orders on game days, and local bars are seeing a decline in patrons. “It’s all connected,” said bar owner, Tony Thomas. “When the team wins, people celebrate. They go out, they spend money. When they lose, they stay home and mope.”
Despite the downturn, some remain optimistic that the couch-burning tradition will one day return. “We just need a spark,” said Dr. Carter. “A winning season, a big upset, something to reignite the passion of the fans. When that happens, I have no doubt that the couches will once again be in high demand.”
Until then, the once-proud symbol of Mountaineer pride sits in the showrooms of Morgantown, waiting for the day when victory and the burning desire for a new couch returns.
